what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
