you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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