I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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