you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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