The maid of honor just puked.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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