found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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