I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
My balls are so social today.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
