I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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