Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
