Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
