walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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