mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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