Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
