'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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