oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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