Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize