it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
