i don't plan on having that self control this summer
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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