i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
