there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
