matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
