i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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