so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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