This is not my ceiling
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
