They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
