Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
