I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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