the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
