Dude my mom stole all your condoms
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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