i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
