chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
