I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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