Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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