writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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