just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
