my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
