trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
