This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
