It's Friday. Sex?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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