Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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