well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
