Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
my sisters under your porch take her home
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
