the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
