your parents love me but you hate me
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
