this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
