My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
