Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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