My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
