i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Success! We fucked roommates!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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