Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
The adults are the big ones right?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
