we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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