Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
