the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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