i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
