My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
