Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
