We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
