i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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