PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
