Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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