She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
