I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
