do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
