Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
