That's intense
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize