Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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