my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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