Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
