glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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