So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
