so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
