I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
