No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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