never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
