And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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