drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
