youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
