How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
