dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize