Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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